So i've started this kind of stream of consiousness remembering of my past before and lost it. Somewheres.
So gonna start again.
I have to. Cause if I don't I fear that I will actually forget all of it.
What's all of it? Well, i've had a lot happen to me. Definitely feel as if the universe has had a special idea about how my reality should go.
I'm starting (again) at 1997 because that's kind of where my life started. I'll give you a quick quick summary of what happened before then:
I grew up poor. A lot of sadness and turmoil. My mom was a super strong woman and helped me and my brother survive extreme poverty, divorce, cancer, madness, and more poverty. Even with the support I grew up way too fast, and built survival mechanisms that made me unique and also a bit broken.
My brother and I played video games all the time. Our parents fought a lot and then divorced (not before some semi-normal times). We would visit my dad in a tiny room (tiny rooms are a reocurring theme - spoiler) on weekends. .
Our dad later brought us some hope and understanding about our lineage (apache lipan) and it brought me a new found strength.
I got out of a small town and made it to college. I worked summers in New Hampshire and started to realize who I was. I later made my way to NYC and then headed west in a van with my college friend to make a new start.
Oh and to add some privacy to my tales i'll leave out names
My friend and I arrived in Seattle after a long, fun, arduous, tiring, exciting trip across country. We were pretty frickin tired and lived out of our van (alongside someones house my frien knew - to take showers/use bathroom etc) until we were able to get a small room. When I say small I mean it JUST fit two mattresses in it - mine was a full and his was a king. we covered the walls with pictures and art and started our life in seattle.
His would be short lived as he would soon head back to NYC (and so glad he did cause he reconnected with his gf and they ended up getting married). I would be there for the long haul. spoiler.
I worked at Cinnabon and he lived off his savings. I made .. I think 6 bucks an hour. Maybe $6.25. At some point I became storage manager there (which just meant I got to take care of money stuff at the end of the evening). I had a fun time there actually - all of playing pranks on each other (to stay sane) and learning how to make a damn good cinnamon roll.
I remember having to walk up a massive hill after my shift to get back home. On that long trek I would listen to Foo Fighters 'The Colour and Shape'.
Fuck. This is gonna take a long time to write everything that happened from 97 to the present.
Just realizing that.
Might skimp on some of the particulars to save my fingers.
Basically met a very cool girl that lived next to us in the little tiny room (which has it's own F'd up back story --ask me sometime about it), and we hung out a lot. We had a connection and were close. She was wacky and it was nice being around wacky (and also immediatelly comfortable - no waiting period to be her friend, yknow?). Her guy friend liked this girl I worked with and then I ended up liking her. Isn't that how it always goes.
By the way. That thing happened to me again. When im typing and listening to music and the same word im about to type or just typed comes on in the song. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I'm convinced it means something along the lines of - you happen to be in sync with the universe.
Or it could be that weird coincidence everyone talks about.
Where was I?
Oh yeah before I started really hanging out with this coworker (and after I attempted to get her hooked up with my friends friend .. and it appeared to not be working)...I got my own room upon Toby leaving. It had a huge celing but was also in a crackhouse. Well that's what people said. I do remember a story about some girl all f'd up jumping out of a window on the 2nd floor and breaking her face? Then seeing her in traction? Or some cast thing? I'm not sure that happened.
Yeah I ended up liking this girl (with curly hair .. and I had never dated a girl with SUPER curly hair. Natural insane curls. Why is that something i'm focusing on. I remember a moment that was super good in our short lived fling/moment/relationship. Good thing: us at my (new) room and DJ Shadow playing and us lying in bed with some very intense moments. Bad thing: me running after her in the rain (a la any cheesy 80s movie) trying to apologize about something. And realizing I had screwed something up beyond repair. That is the shittiest feeling ever.
Well .. there are shittier feelings.
Like when I broke my ankle in two places. That felt worse.
We'll get to that.
So while in my new room I had a (shit) PC and an acoustic guitar. Had just taught myself how to play on the trip over to seattle from NYC. Also had played like 2 chords in a rock band (Bukoda) before that - but was finally expanding my song writing skills in this little (also shit) room. Did a lot of sound sample stuff with acoustic. A cassette I made around that time was sent into The Rocket (local paper) and they reviewed it calling it 'campfire songs for claustorphobics'. Which was because I sang quietly as I wasn't super confident in my voice yet and I had neighbors that may or may not be 'set off easy' because they may or may not have all been on drugs.
I still liked the review. It's a groovy name: Campfire Songs For Claustorphobics.
Not too long after my brother came out to Seattle and I had him live with me (yes in that one room). While he looked for work/and or lived off his savings I worked at Cinnabon AND a video store down the street.
The store was University Video (originally called Top Hat Video) and that store has 1,000 memories. I'll only bore you with 100 or so. Ok Ok, maybe 10.
Before I started working there the store (which had been bought by an Armenian guy) was a bit rough around the edges. I heard stories of the owner and his brother/friends just watching tv in there and hitting on all the women. Which wouldn't suprise me. When I came aboard I took over for a guy very much like me.
Actually come to think of it .. maybe it WAS me. He felt like me. And I would go on to become the jaded (heavier) version of me .. that he was, then.
Ok. Let's back away slowly from that tangent.
So I LIVED at that video store and shortly after getting a manager position there (for a whole whopping 7 bucks an hour!) quit Cinnabon. My relationship with the curly haired girl was over anyhow. What was left for me there huh? Just more cinnamon rolls. And little kids pushing their faces up to the glass, smearing it with wonderment and spit.
I hired a guy who had my name as his middle name. He was a indie director and film student. He had crazy energy and loved David Lynch. Sold.
Second person I hired was a tall red (dyed) haired girl that also loved Lynch and was an aspiring filmmaker.
Whoa just realized that. They both liked lynch and made films. Odd.
We made employee pick sections and organized cult favorites. I took it on myself to cover almost the entire store with clipped out pictures of movies we loved. It was quite a creation. I remember lookin in the windows years later and seeing some remanents of my handiwork still on some of the walls.
Ok so I made out with redhead. I remember us making out in the adult section and thinking I was now the coolest person ever. I was the Fonz or some shit. What? Was this really happening? And yet at the same time thinking .. yeah it IS. And it's totally natural. So shut up and get back to MAKING OUT WITH YOUR EMPLOYEE IN THE ADULT SECTION OF THIS VIDEO STORE.
We were of course a secret because it would only be weird if anyone knew. Manager / employee bizness.
Of couse .. adding the 'lets go sneak off and make out' made it that much better.
Around the same time period as our 'must never be spoken' fling I started working with my other filmmaker co-worker outside of the store. He was making these short films and airing them on his public television spot.
He worked at the the station and had access to (abnormally large) camera equipment and had a time slot in which to air said video creations. We collaborated to make a TV show called 'Syndicated Jive'. It was ..hmmm
It was a episodic talk/variety/news show where I would cut to different anchors (cooking, news desk, man on the street) and also do interviews. The whole vibe was Lynch. We were in the middle of rewatching Twin Peaks (marathons that I could go into .. some of my favorite moments watching Lynch) and all of our twisted ideas and performances came through in this show.
I remember the first time it aired on TV and we all watched it at someones house with drinks. We heard that someone called into the station about the show. Forgot what they had said about it, but who the fuck cares. SOMEONE ACTUALLY WATCHED OUR WEIRD LITTLE MESSED UP SHOW? Cool!